Yeah, Verizon is a bunch of screw ups, and my DSL still hasn't been hooked up. The new estimated date is the middle of next week. This suckage really doesn't help with my whole I'm-taking-a-summer-class-and-could-really-use-the-damn-net-access position. And it blows goats to be on the phone everyday, on hold, just calling to check up on my order, which seems to accumulate more errors and cancellations than a Fox show scheduled during sports games (*cough* Futurama *cough*... Family Guy's triumphant return has been pushed back from a mid-season January start to "spring or summer").

Here are some of the fun things I do while I'm on hold, which lasts usually from ten minutes to a half hour for each person I'm transferred to, to tell me that the last person was wrong and doesn't know what they're talking about:

Play Video Games
Some of these fine games include Mario and Luigi Superstar Saga, Pokemon Colosseum (a better RPG than you think, and I KNOW what you're thinking), Karaoke Revolution (to bulk up my vocals for part 2, which might come out before my DSL gets installed), Fight Night 2004 (because it's fun to pretend the next caller-representative will go down like Roy Jones Jr. in the second round), Spider Solitaire, You Don't Know Jack 6, and Leisure Suit Larry 6 (to bulk up my libido for the new one, which BETTER not come out before my DSL gets installed).

Watch Downloaded TV
When I went home last weekend to work on the computer in my Dad's store (yet ANOTHER computer that now has DSL while I don't), I made sure to monopolize the wireless router at our house and download shows like The Jury (I dunno if I like this show yet, but forming a jury almost entirely from ex-Oz cast members for an episode about a murder in a prison is one of the wittiest things I can think of), The Simple Life 2 (and I'll never look at sausages the same way again), Method and Red (cool because it's maybe the most self-aware non-reality show I've ever seen), Drew Carey (having a good last season), and Six Feet Under (which I try not to watch on hold because, hey, I'm already depressed).

Read
I'm currently pawing through Philip Roth's Portnoy's Complaint (hardcover, sixth printing, from The Book Thing), Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice (for the what-th time? for my summer class), Currer Bell's Jane Eyre (again, for the what-th time? for my summer class; if you think someone else wrote it, you're wrong), and David Sedaris's new book Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim (first edition-first printing, baby!).

Stare Blankly Into Space With My Mouth Open
The practice of which is severely underrated in my esteemed estimation (watch me channel Mary from P&P).

While at home last weekend, I spent July 4th shooting off fireworks down the Jersey shore with Patrick, Tammy, Tammy's dad, and an odd old man named Blaze (really funny to hear Tammy's dad say: "So, Blaze, would you like some ice cream?"), who I think lives next door to Tammy's beach house. I bought the fireworks in this shady warehouse in backwoods Maryland, although they weren't backwoods enough not to have a credit card machine and a $200 minimum. Yes, you heard it here: Dave spends money as carelessly as a movie star buying an engagement ring. At least that's what my Dad thought. We only used about a third of them though, so this investment will benefit us for years to come, like IBM stock, but more explosive. Had a whole lot of fun down there.

The real reason I decided to update is my moral outrage over this turn of events. Evidently there's been a push to remove felons from the Florida voter registration list, which is nice, except for the fact that they found a way to take all the black felons (who vote Democratic) off while keeping the Hispanic felons (who, you guessed it, vote Republican) on. And I thought government corruption was bad in China.